Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
