it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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