I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize