dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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