Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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