she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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