are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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