OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
