i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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