Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
