he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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