There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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