wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
