i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
