you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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