so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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