Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
