So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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