I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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