i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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