Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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