I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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