24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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