i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You ruined the universe
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
