oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
