Where are you?
In a non slutty way
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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