I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
