kristin has been a bad kristin
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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