Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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