I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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