i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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