I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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