I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
