her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
