Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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