I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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