I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
