Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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