i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
