is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
