Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize