I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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