Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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