I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
