My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
