this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
