Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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