nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
