addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
