The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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