I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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