nut hugger
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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