he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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