im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
