I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is my gift to your gina
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
