I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
