remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
