she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
