I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
