i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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