Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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