I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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