Can i not drive my cunt home
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
