i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
