You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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