Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
