a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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